Absolute Balance

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By Bonnie-Starr Mandell-Rice

A friend of mine who is experiencing some physical challenges and addressing
some old wounds recently emailed me: “I find myself more and more touching
in – or reaching back to this sense that I have that we deserve much better
than this. And that is interesting for me to look at. A colleague responded
to my saying that, ‘It is the ego that thinks it should be any particular
way...’ Yes, and I also cannot shake this feeling that I deserve a life
that resembles something much more peaceful, with physical ease and comfort,
freedom, laughter, creative inspiration - and general appreciation - all of
which are hard to contact through the mists.”

Here was my reply:-

“Many great teachers, living and dead, have taught that, indeed, it is the ego that
resists ‘what is,’ and it is the resistance that causes the suffering. Thus, we are told that
acceptance of ‘what is’ is the way (or at least a way) out of suffering. Acceptance is the
balance point between resisting what is (that which we label ‘bad’) and yearning for
something else (that which we label ‘good’). It is the point where peace resides.

“At the same time, we all (or at least I) do at times yearn for something better than
what we or the world may be experiencing. I think we do that because we
know/remember that there is something better; and we know/remember that because we carry within us the Divine blueprint, the peace and love from which we sprang.

“If we can accept ‘what is,’ come to peace with it, love it, then ‘what is’ shifts. It
shifts because it is the nature of all things to change. We cannot accept it, however, in
order to make it shift, because that is not real acceptance; it is a pretence. Perhaps the
difficulty for some of us (and it is for me) in accepting ‘what is’ lies in our definitions of
both acceptance and love.

“If I think of acceptance and love as implying any condoning or approval of
certain actions, I get into difficulty. Acceptance and love neither condone nor condemn.
Acceptance simply is an acknowledgement of what is here, now, in this reality. It is what
already has been created. When I think of love, I think of those I love the most - my
daughters, my husband, my sister, and my friends. Yet in Love, there is no "most"
or more or less; there is just Love, the feeling of an open heart, the love flowing freely
from it, not dependent on relationship, on any give or take, on likes or dislikes, on
anything at all. That Love, like the sun, shines on all; it makes no distinction between a
saint and a murderer. It is without judgment; it loves simply because love is what it
is. So this love, this is acceptance, and acceptance of “what is” entails non-judgement. It
is only when we judge something ‘bad’ that we find it difficult to accept it.

“Not judging something as ‘bad’ does not mean we have to judge it as ‘good.’ On
‘the contrary, we do not judge it at all. It simply is what it is. We look at it: ‘Ahhh. I
see this; I feel this.’ No judgement. We sit with the possibility that there is something
here we do not see or understand. Then it just is what it is, until it is something else.
Everything is always shifting, becoming something else. It shifts when we don't resist;
our resistance keeps it in place, for it has no where to go, we are blocking it! Our
yearning, our wanting what is to be something other than what it is, also is non- acceptance and, hence, a form of resistance.

“How then to create change? I can (and do) love ice cream and one day choose a
cookie instead without making the ice cream ‘bad’ or judging it. So I can see what is, I
can choose to accept it that it is, and then go about creating something new. We are, we
have been told, all the producers, directors and stars of our own movies. We have
finished one movie, perhaps it is a drama with much pain and violence. We can be upset about what we created; we can edit, and cut and splice, and try to buy up all the copies and erase them all. Yet it still will have been what ever it was. Instead, we can notice that we have made a dramatic movie, accept it as it is, without judging it as good or bad, and then decide to make a new movie and focus our attention on that.

It sounds simple to me, but I have not always found it to be easy. Balancing
between acceptance of what is, without judgement, and focusing on what I choose to
create next often feels like (falls into) non-acceptance and wanting to change what is. I
cannot change what is, it already is created. I can only change what comes next. I am
learning (I hope!) to walk this line - and it feels like that, a line, a tightrope. Perhaps as I
am more adept at it, it will feel less like a line and more like a wide path - or at least I will
stop teetering and falling off!


Editor’s note:-

When I first met Bonnie-Starr (over the Internet) she was a Lawyer, working out how to do that and be a Healer, Mother and Wife all at the same time. Now, in an effort to combine her left-brain, analytical lawyer, with her right-brain, intuitive healer, she has given up law to be a Transformative Coach.

Have a look at her web site, if you do not live near her in the US she can do distance coaching.

Much of our work together has been via email, the energy is not in the words but the intent, and it carries instantly across the airwaves.


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