Back in the Flow, Part 2 - And More Miracles For Me
By Eileen Silon
The second part of getting unstuck (remember, the first part was opening the door and letting go of resistance as a result of talking with a psychic who found me through my uncle) was a little more traumatic to me and is still going on. I am sharing my experience in case it helps any of you explain your own patterns and processing. I know anyone can heal to the level of being in the flow easily and experiencing inner contentment in his/her everyday life. I believe in it, even when you do not.
Discovering and working with my very hurt and damaged self-saboteur
I was working with a monk friend of mine and she heard the words ‘part 2’ before we got too far into the work. We don’t usually get information that direct so it was lovely to have the clarity that this was the second part of the answer to all my inner work, allowing, intending and praying for help in getting unstuck.
I was experiencing a lot of fear so after I was able to gain perspective and be more objective about it, we took a look at it. Usually emotional parts of me that don’t process on out (heal, release or integrate) show up as inner children in my/our psychic vision.
There was so much fear I had to imagine holding my friend’s hand as we both asked it to show up and give us information. She actually would not let herself be seen. My friend could intuitively glimpse a dress in the midst of a ball of energy, but all I actually could not see anything at all. It was highly unusual because I usually see everything clearly and my friend does not. However, a lot of judgmental parts showed up clearly for me. We invited all these reactionary parts to sit in the lap of god while we accepted and loved the inner me that was panicked.
My friend described her energy and story to me. This damaged part of me was very starved physically when I was younger (sometimes my mom didn’t feed me as a baby), and psychically and emotionally too. She was in terror – beyond fear – and preverbal. She is the energy behind all the self-sabotaging I have been doing. She is the energy that demands to be fed with something – food, spending, anger, or other addictive behaviors – even when it is harmful to my body or financial state. She is the energy that cannot allow me to be emotionally intimate with anyone because she has been without feeling loved for so long she doesn’t even recognize it. She is adept at hiding and transforming into something else so even though I might have noticed some part of her before, she changed quickly so she could survive.
As my friend was telling me all of this, I was experiencing a lot of psychic intensity. It wasn’t exactly pain but that feeling we get when our bodies are transitioning to a higher vibration and it is slow going. When I could finally psychically see something all I saw was skeletons in a yard, darkness and ‘movie-like’ depictions of scary places. But I could feel a churning in my 3rd chakra, fear and child-like temper tantrums. My friend said she lives mostly in my body – not my legs or arms. It makes sense when you look at me; my legs and arms are very thin compared to my body. I had a glimpse when I was 18 that I ate so much to fill the hole in my third chakra. This was her. We opened the lines of communication with her and I promised to spend a lot of time with her.
I have been working with her for about 2 weeks now. I have not gotten a full night’s sleep since we began and what sleep I have been able to get has been broken and very busy with healing work. I have had to be careful to be aware of any part of me judging her as other parts of me have looked upon her with a lot of disgust (the same disgust, I might add, that I used to feel when I thought about my body). She cannot take any judgment or arguing or discussion. I have been loving her and accepting her and forgiving myself. I have been crying a lot too and experiencing waves of uncomfortable emotion and psychic intensity as I shift. She now shows up in my intuitive vision clearer. a little bit older and lot healthier. She is more outgoing and more verbal. She has also been healing in my dreams at night, each night showing up as a baby or young child. She is also getting older and healthier in my dreams.
I am sharing all of this because if I just read the words I wrote I would say I have done this before. I have addressed these kinds of parts of me but then the same emotional, thought, and behavioral patterns would show up again and again. So obviously there was something I was missing. However, even though I might use the same words, this felt and continues to feel completely different. I was shown all the times I came close to addressing her but could not because I could not be objective enough, unconditional enough and accepting enough. I spent too much time pushing this away and resisting that it was me. At the slightest judgment or identification with her energy, she would dissipate or change into something else to avoid direct healing. Aren’t I clever???
Resulting Miracles
The miracles that have shown up in my everyday life show me what it could, is and will be like without this part of me slamming the door as soon as I am in the flow. I have experienced healing for myself and with my clients at a higher level – a 5th dimensional level if we need to label it. It is quite different than what I have been participating in before. Some clients can allow it, some cannot. It is so wonderful it deserves a separate article of its own. I will try to describe it better in a future article.
I am now patient when I sew (no cussing when I make a mistake – LOL!!), when standing in long lines and when talking with people who require a lot of explanation before they can understand me or assist me. Ok, if I can reconnect with patience – YOU CAN HEAL, LEARN, HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT!! With everything that has happened to me on this spiritual evolutionary journey, experiencing patience consistently is the biggest miracle yet.
I notice I am not making so much negative self-talk when I do not eat in the healthiest way possible or exercise each day. I am allowing myself to rest when I need it. Like reconnecting with patience, treating myself lovingly consistently is a new experience for me. I am re-learning my true nature and it is much gentler, calmer, more connected to my god-self, happier, expansive than I ever imagined. Simple things please me.
I made enough money this week doing what I LOVE to do, helping people in their spiritual evolution, to pay my bills for June. My creativity level is off the charts. I am very comfortable being alone and actually prefer it right now. I am happy and content more than I am not. I am able to immediately recognize that other people’s expressed negative judgment of me as their issue, not mine, and respond accordingly. When this healing part of me got retriggered because of one client’s similar issues, it only took a day and a half to heal from it and reopen to my own magnificence.
I am still in the process of healing and integrating this part of me but I really am so appreciative of my own courage and persistence in getting this far. I love this phase of my spiritual evolution.
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I currently living in Encinitas, CA and am available for individual sessions and group seminars. I assist your healing and ascension process in all sorts of ways. I LOVE helping people remember they are aspects of god and much more powerful than they ever imagined. You can contact me through email at eileen@down2earthspirit.com or phone at (760) 634-2794.
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My blog at www.down2earthspirit.com/blog details my struggle to balance my spiritual evolution with my every day physical life as a human. I am EileenSilon on Twitter.
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Check my website for details on my healing groups, student rates and sponsoring seminars. www.down2earthspirit.com. Enjoy the art store and gallery!!!!
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