Freedom

By Maureen Moss

Six weeks ago I posted a "vacation message" on my computer, handed my 'to do' list to my loving daughter, thanked Randy my tech engineer for taking care of business and said, good-bye. I had never been away from work in my entire life for six weeks...gutsy move.

I was going where the ocean met the sky and peace and quiet was not a foreign concept. My plan was to wake up for days on end with zero responsibilities, meditate or simply be still for long periods of time, write, talk with my soul, (or at the very least listen,) detox my brain, get off the stage of my making, break lingering strongholds with erroneous belief systems, rediscover my fascination with ladybugs and the colors that are painted in the sky when the sun decides it's time to let the moon take over, and laugh out loud at the antics of the doggies as they play without a care in the world on my favorite beach.

I packed as though I were never coming home and headed to meet the future Maureen who would, by the grace of God, learn how to live unencumbered without drains, strains, guilt's and personality addictions interfering with my freedom and authentic nature.

I figured my authentic nature was somewhere tied up with my freedom awaiting my arrival and welcoming embrace. Once found I planned to fully investigate what they both really really meant to me, what they asked of me and what my actions (not my intellectualizing about them) would call for prior to moving forward in life and into this new Universal cycle of time.

I arrived at my destination, grabbed a bite to eat and fell into an I can't believe I did this sleep...but I did.

The sun, streaming through the windows awakened me early. I grabbed my gear and headed to the beach to walk and meditate. The second I smelled the ocean air my body began to loosen itself out of its always tight and cramped position and tears suddenly started rolling down my cheeks. A tiny voice wafted up from inside of me that simply said, "thank you." Hearing that the big tears came, the ones that are so huge you wonder how they make it through the teensy opening allotted them. I let them free fall.

I took my first full breath in about a year as I laid out my beach blanket and sat on my little beach chair as close to the waves as possible. Closing my eyes I sent out a prayer. "Dear God, help me do this. Help me to find my way to the only thing I have every wanted in my entire life, peace. Just peace. I have set my intention and I've taken action. All I choose is peace and the freedom that peace affords me. Please help me."

I wasn't expecting a direct answer though it never fails that when I sincerely put in a call to the Great Divine, my unwavering Partner, there is always a response. I'm just not always listening. Today there were no distractions.

"That's what you wrote in your very first book almost a decade ago," I heard. "I know, but I lost my way, again." "You'll find your way this time, you know what you are looking for," were the last words I heard for five full days.

For the next five days I attempted to meditate. Nothing. My mind was yammering as though it were its last days of freedom and needed to get everything said to try to save itself and redeem its importance in my life. I walked the stretch of the beach over and over again, attempting to get quiet, and attempting to merge with one of the great loves of life, the ocean. I couldn't get into her rhythm. I sought out dolphins; couldn't find one. I attempted a conversation or two with my Partner God; couldn't get a clear channel.

Everything changed on the sixth day. I had walked the beach, blessed the water, every grain of sand, all of the seaweed and a huge jellyfish. I sent off another little prayer for help.

Back onto my beach blanket a ladybug came from God knows where amongst all of that sand and crawled up my arm. Since the time I was a child, the sight of a ladybug has always brought me instant joy and an instant connection to all that is. I knew she was sent.

There she was and here came the tears. A sign. A signal that contact had been made. I watched her as though I had seen a ladybug for the very first time. I noticed every beautiful polka-dot on her precious back. I watched her tiny legs inch their way up toward the bend in my elbow. I tilted my head moving my tears so as not to drown her. I felt blessed as the waves merged and hit the shore disappearing into nothingness, along with my thoughts. My ladybug felt free to simply stroll lazily around my arm while I just watched her in fascination. I heard the dogs joyfully talking to each other but I heard something louder than they. I heard, "It's time to write the book you've waited more than 20 years to write." I never expected this.

Chills went through my body, tears never far from my cheeks, began pooling in my eyes and I quietly felt the joy that accompanies new energy, new life. I grabbed my journal, with my arm not occupied with the ladybug from inside my beach bag, and wrote what I believe every author loves to write; the title of their new book (which I will keep private for now.)

The very first sentence emerged and the one after that, and the next and the next. I was flowing. This was the book I had waited a long time to write, taking nothing away from the past three books I've written and had published or the five CD's I've written, all of which I love and honor dearly. This new one was the one I was waiting to get the green light on and I never wanted to birth it prematurely.

As I began to write, I began to expand. I used my breath to open every possible portal inside of me, calling forth more of my Soul and strengthening my connection to Spirit. I asked myself why do so many of us forget the magic of our breath and all that it does for us when used properly?

I was also reminded that none of us has to wait for a "Universal Portal Day" for anything. We are individuated portals in operation every single day. We can expand, release or call forth anything through the temple (or portal) of our being, at will.

Anyway, in the midst of daily writing, I spent the next several weeks in a state of noticing everything and judging nothing. I felt freedom emerging. I gave up trying to solve any problem I thought I had by giving it over to the Universe, getting quiet and consciously making room for an answer to come up through me when it was meant to. Very freeing.

I stopped telling myself stories to justify anything. Not being invested in my stories I became noticeably lighter. Quite liberating.

I also decided to stop striving for anything, from now on. I was overdone in the striving department. No more. I committed to myself to simply be present to my Life and see what the Universe brings to me, without any reaching. A dear friend of mine calls this magical living, and it is. I used to participate in magical living quite frequently in years gone by and then I cluttered up my life with imaginary responsibilities and imaginary problems and moved away from my natural state of being. I clouded the magic. Now I've cleared space so the magic can flow easily into my life. (No doubt a maintenance program will be required here.)

I've also learned to make friends with silence for longer periods of time and not touch a thought with another one while in the sacred space of stillness. This is a key component to freedom.

I also discovered where I feel the most freedom. It is when I am being 100% authentic, which means I tell the truth all of the time even when I'm uncomfortable telling it to myself or another. Not an easy accomplishment I can tell you for sure. Whether we notice it or not, very few us are completely authentic for any number of fear-based reasons primarily, the fear of being rejected. It's important to sort out all the reasons without judgment, as this is where we loose a big chunk of our freedom.

All in all I summoned my former life, blessed it and asked it to let me go as I let it go. We had danced long enough. As we all enter into this new cycle of time it seems appropriate to notice what is truly working for us and what is not. This takes more than a moment. It is an investment in our future worthy of our time, whatever time it takes. Once noticed then actions of re-creation must be implemented and tended to...after all, our freedom is at stake.

Just before I left my sabbatical I was shopping for a Thank You card when another card quite literally jumped out at me. It's titled, "The Butterfly of Freedom" There's a box on the front of the card and inside the box are a dozen butterflies flying around. Then there is an opening that one of the butterflies created in the box and is joyfully zooming around outside of the box.

The butterflies are conversing on the card, saying, "Why do you fly outside the box?" "I fly outside the box because I can." "But we KNOW the box. We are safe in the box." "That my friend is why I left it. For you may be SAFE...but I AM FREE!

Copyright Maureen Moss, 2009.
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