Valentines Every Day

By Bonnie-Starr Mandell-Rice

So how did you spend your Valentine’s Day? This day commemorates love. It reminds us, in the words of a James Taylor song, to “shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.” What if, however, we did not limit these showers of love to Valentine’s Day but made them part of our daily life? How would our relationships change if we made expressing our love part of our daily routine, like taking a shower or swallowing our vitamins?

Love is a vital nutrient for each of us and for our relationships. Perhaps we need an RDA (recommended daily allowance) for love; though because with love there is no danger of overdosing and there are no harmful side effects, this RDA would be a minimum recommended daily allowance. There is no shortage of love, so we need not worry about our supply of this vital nutrient running out. There is, however, a shortage of the giving of love. This is evident in so many of the Valentine card offerings. Many of them start out with “I know I don’t tell you very often …..”

Why don’t some of us tell those we love very often that we love them? Are we afraid of spoiling them, as if they were fruits that will become overripe with our love? Or are we merely complacent, thinking that they should know we love them because “I’m still here, aren’t I?” What if, however, you are no longer there, not because you have chosen to leave them but because you, like my father when I was four, die suddenly, leaving no time for good-byes, no time for reconciliation or forgiveness, no time to say one more time, “I love you.” Will they have known how much you love them? Will you know how much they loved you?

Love is not shown only by our words, but words matter. (“In the beginning was the Word.”) We all like, if not need, to hear those three little words spoken. I, for one, never tire of hearing them. For those of us lucky enough to hear them often, we need to pay attention when they are spoken. Not just another “that’s nice, dear” response. We need to let them sink in and to savor them. There is sweetness in them. Our appreciation of and gratitude for the love we are shown, whether in words or actions, magnetizes more love to us. Taking things for granted is tantamount, energetically, to announcing you’re not interested in having those things in your life. In the words of a Sammy Kershaw song, “Take nothing for granted, in a minute it could all be gone.”

So why not make every day Valentine’s Day? What will you let stop you from showering the people you love with love, from showing them the way that you feel? Decide today (or any and every day) to be love. Then, as in the words of another of my favorite songs (this one by the Bellamy Brothers):

Let this feeling
grab you deep inside
and send you reeling
where your love can’t hide . . .
* * *
Just let your love flow
like a mountain stream
and let your love grow
with the smallest of dreams
and let your love show . . .
* * *
Let your love fly
like a bird on the wing
and let your love bind you
to all living things
and let your love shine . . .
* * *
When you do this, YOU feel the love, you are the Valentine, and every day is Valentine’s Day.

To Schedule Coaching Services, Speaking Engagements, Workshops and Seminars, to request more information, or to receive periodic emails of upcoming events and inspirational messages from BonnieStarr and Transformative Coaching, please complete the appropriate form at http://www.transformativecoaching.net/id5.html

You can also call us directly at 720-940-6007, or just send an email to bonniestarr@transformativecoaching.net.

Photo by Free-StockPhotos.com

THE POWER OF LOVE

By Bonnie Starr Mandell-Rice

“And all this time, the river flowed
endlessly, to the sea….”
(from All This Time, by Sting)

When I look back upon my life, along with all of the love, joy and laughter, I recall times of great sorrow, loss, pain, shame, and abandonment. What time has done for me, however, is to burnish these times until they have come to glisten like jewels. It is as if time has worn away the encrustations of emotion and story that had been laid down over What Was and, in so doing, has revealed the core of each circumstance and event of my life. What is at the core of them? Love, for love is the core, the essence, of everything. Love that appears unlike love is love crying out, calling, for us to re-member, to re-embody, who we really are, which is love itself.

This Love has no needs, no requirements, no conditions, no expectations. It simply is. It flows and flows and flows because that is its nature; it flows unless we stop it, dam it up, with our fears and needs, our conditions and requirements. Where we have dammed it up, it will spill over, it will not be contained; it will not be content forever to be restricted in the narrows that we have allowed. The river of love will not be denied; it will flow, back to the vast sea of love that is Life, which is God. Love will work its magic through whatever channels are available to it. Sometimes, we will resent those channels, even curse them, because the force of the river of love moving through those narrow channels will scour and abrade away the walls we have built, and the force of the river will overflow and break the dams we have built. It cannot be contained. This scouring and abrading, this breaking and overflowing, creates change and upheaval in our lives. People and animals we love, things we cherish, may be swept away, lost to us in this Time/Space we inhabit with our physical bodies and our physical senses. Understandably, we will grieve our losses; we well may rage back at the river that has caused the losses. Yet, ultimately, it is our perception that makes us suffer, that throws us into the pit of shame or the agony of despair, when the walls fall down.

To end the suffering requires a shift in perception, a remembrance that love is at work and there is a gift to be found. When a river scours its banks, it creates beautiful canyons, like the Black Canyon of the Gunnison here in my home state of Colorado, and the Grand Canyon in Utah. When a river breaks down a damn, it reclaims the land for itself. While buildings may be lost, the wild river is restored and with it come the fish and the birds and the animals. The wild river is restored, and we – who are part of nature – are restored, for we need wild places and we need our own wildness, for it is freedom. When the river of love scours our lives, when it breaks the dams we have built around our hearts, we shift our perception by remembering Love is in action here and asking: what is being created, what is being restored, what is the gift?

It has been written: “Seek and ye shall find.” This is God’s promise to us. When you know that there is a treasure to be found in every event and every circumstance of your life – no matter how terrible they appear, you will find the treasure, for by your very decision to seek the treasure, you will begin to unveil it. Indeed, you will call it forth from the Realm of Infinite Possibilties, which is God, Who is Love. When you find the treasure, you will find Love.

LIVING NAMASTÉ

By Bonnie Starr Mandell-Rice

Namasté is a Hindi word that one hears more often these days in various churches and at spiritual and metaphysical gatherings. My yoga instructor closes classes with it, and we, her students, all respond in kind. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, namasté means “the Divine in me acknowledges and honors the Divine in you.” I wonder how many of us actually do that when we speak the word, “namasté.” I know that, too often, I simply have repeated the word, sometimes wishing and intending to mean it, but not really feeling it, not really feeling my own Divinity much less the Divinity of the other.

We do not need to speak the word namasté in order to live namasté, by which I mean searching out, acknowledging and honoring the Divinity in ourselves and each other. Use of the word simply is a reminder to do so, like some Buddhists ring a chime to call themselves back to the present moment, as monks are called to vespers by the tolling of the church bell, and Muslims are called to their five daily prayers. What happens when we live namasté and speak namasté mindfully, as Truth?

When I use namasté mindfully, that is, when I feel into and connect with the truth of the Divinity within myself and the other, I notice that my heart opens. As I look deeply into the other person to see the Divine spark in them and acknowledge that, I feel the love that I am, the love that is our true nature, flowing through me and out toward the other person. As I acknowledge and honor the Divine in the other from this place of love, this Divinity, in me, I notice that all of their “faults” and all of their “imperfections” fall away. It is not the other who changes necessarily; it is I who is changed. Although it appears that the other is stripped of his/her faults and imperfections, it is I who has been stripped – stripped of my judgments and the illusion of our separation.

How might you feel if you used namasté mindfully – if when you looked upon another you first remembered that the Divine resides in you, connected with that, and then searched it out in the heart of the other? How would you feel if, when someone said namasté to you, they did this: they really felt, saw and acknowledged from the Divinity within themselves the Divinity in you? Would you have felt as if you were really seen, seen as the truth of who you are? Imagine who you would be and how you would feel if you had been seen in this way from early childhood by your parents, who also knew that that Divinity is within them as well? Even if you were not seen in that way by your parents, there is no reason you cannot own this now. How might the world change if we all lived namasté?

Here is a practice for those of you who are inclined to live namasté. In the morning, when you awaken, stand before a mirror. Look deeply into your own eyes. Search out the Divine spark within. Say to yourself: “Good morning, my beloved. Namasté.” Then, as you go about your day and meet people – perhaps your husband or your child is your first opportunity to practice – remember the Divine in you, look deeply into the other and see the Divinity in them, and say (silently or aloud) “namasté.” Given that most of us in America speak English and not Hindi, it might be beneficial to add (silently or aloud until you internalize the meaning of namasté): “The Divine in me acknowledges and honors the Divine in you.”

When you find yourself annoyed at, impatient with, angry at, resentful of, or simply judging another, remind yourself (as soon as you are able): “namasté.” Think about yourself and the other, remember the Divinity in you and connect with the Divinity in the other. See the other standing before you. Look for – or imagine - the Divine spark in their heart. As you look at the spark, see – or imagine – it grow bigger and brighter. Watch how you change as you continue this practice and notice how, as you are changed, those around you change as well.

When you practice namasté in this way, it fans the flame of the Divine Spark in you and in the other as well. The brighter the flame, the further the Light spreads. As the Light spreads, the darkness (which in this context is the Illusion of separation and its attendant “evil”) dissipates. Eventually, when the Divine spark in enough of us is lit and burning brightly, the world will be fully illumined.

Namasté.

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To Schedule Coaching Services, Speaking Engagements, Workshops and Seminars, to request more information, or to receive periodic emails of upcoming events and inspirational messages from BonnieStarr and Transformative Coaching, please complete the appropriate form at http://www.transformativecoaching.net/id5.html

You can also call us directly at 720-940-6007, or just send an email to bonniestarr@transformativecoaching.net.

IN THE SPACE OF NOT KNOWING

By Bonnie-Starr Mandell-Rice

I am, among other things, a writer. I have to remind myself of this today as I sit at the computer waiting for inspiration to come. I have been waiting for several days now, knowing that on the first of each month I send out an ezine with an article. Until this morning, “D(eadline) Day,” I have not felt pressured; I trust that the words will come. Besides, I write out of love not because I “should.” Yet now the time is past when I normally would have hit “send” on the ezine, and all my attempts at writing have been discarded. All that is left is this surrender: I don’t know what to write, so perhaps I simply will write about this not knowing.

Not knowing. I have been to this place before, not just about what to write but about many things: things as mundane as what to wear, as important as whether to quit my law practice, and as profound as what to say (or not to say) to someone who has experienced the loss of a loved one. Not knowing is not a comfortable place for many of us, particularly perhaps for those of us who like to think we are in control or who like to “take charge” and “make things happen.”

Control ultimately, however, is just an illusion. (We all find this out sooner or later when, despite all of our efforts and all of our doing, something happens that is beyond our ability to control.) When I let go of my need to control and of my insistence on doing things my way and in my time and simply surrender to the not knowing, something opens inside of me and creates space for something to flow through me. The “something” is inspiration (literally, breathing in prana/life force energy/Spirit). It is a “breath of fresh air.”

This space of not knowing is like a womb. To the uninitiated and the unacquainted it seems simply a dark and empty place, perhaps frightening for that reason. Like a mother’s womb, however, it is pregnant with possibilities. As time passes, those possibilities begin to take on form and movement. Eventually, in proper timing, one or more of those possibilities begins to emerge, and an idea, a solution, an answer is birthed.

We simply have to be patient. There can be no hurrying of the process, though hurrying it can be tempting. Those of the women reading this who have birthed a child may understand this temptation. I remember when I was pregnant with my first child. By the time I was four months pregnant, I was waddling like a duck. By the time I was five months pregnant, my doctor was scolding me for my weight gain – despite my persistent nausea and a diet consisting primarily of tomato and cucumber sandwiches (the only food I could keep down). By the time I was eight months pregnant and still nauseous, I was checking in with God: “Are you sure that nine months are necessary?” Then I would remind myself it was “just” another month and the healthy baby I would have would be worth the wait as well as all of the discomfort. And so it was.

And so it is. We may have to practice patience and bear a certain amount of discomfort while we reside in the place of not knowing, but if we stay in that space and do not force, what Life (which is another word for God) would birth through us will come in its proper and perfect time. What Life would birth through us is, I believe, always better than what we, by our (small/ego) selves alone, can conceive or achieve. For it – that which Life would birth through us – partakes of Life and carries its signature, its vibration, which is Love.

So this is written for all my readers with Love.

To Schedule Coaching Services, Speaking Engagements, Workshops and Seminars, to request more information, or to receive periodic emails of upcoming events and inspirational messages from BonnieStarr and Transformative Coaching, please complete the appropriate form at http://www.transformativecoaching.net/id5.html

You can also call us directly at 720-940-6007, or just send an email to bonniestarr@transformativecoaching.net.

Acceptance

By Bonnie-Starr Mandell-Rice

A friend of mine who is experiencing some physical challenges and addressing
some old wounds recently emailed me: “I find myself more and more touching
in – or reaching back to this sense that I have that we deserve much better
than this. And that is interesting for me to look at. A colleague responded
to my saying that, ‘It is the ego that thinks it should be any particular
way...’ Yes, and I also cannot shake this feeling that I deserve a life
that resembles something much more peaceful, with physical ease and comfort,
freedom, laughter, creative inspiration - and general appreciation - all of
which are hard to contact through the mists.”

Here was my reply:-

“Many great teachers, living and dead, have taught that, indeed, it is the ego that
resists ‘what is,’ and it is the resistance that causes the suffering. Thus, we are told that
acceptance of ‘what is’ is the way (or at least a way) out of suffering. Acceptance is the
balance point between resisting what is (that which we label ‘bad’) and yearning for
something else (that which we label ‘good’). It is the point where peace resides.

“At the same time, we all (or at least I) do at times yearn for something better than
what we or the world may be experiencing. I think we do that because we
know/remember that there is something better; and we know/remember that because we carry within us the Divine blueprint, the peace and love from which we sprang.

“If we can accept ‘what is,’ come to peace with it, love it, then ‘what is’ shifts. It
shifts because it is the nature of all things to change. We cannot accept it, however, in
order to make it shift, because that is not real acceptance; it is a pretence. Perhaps the
difficulty for some of us (and it is for me) in accepting ‘what is’ lies in our definitions of
both acceptance and love.

“If I think of acceptance and love as implying any condoning or approval of
certain actions, I get into difficulty. Acceptance and love neither condone nor condemn.
Acceptance simply is an acknowledgement of what is here, now, in this reality. It is what
already has been created. When I think of love, I think of those I love the most - my
daughters, my husband, my sister, and my friends. Yet in Love, there is no "most"
or more or less; there is just Love, the feeling of an open heart, the love flowing freely
from it, not dependent on relationship, on any give or take, on likes or dislikes, on
anything at all. That Love, like the sun, shines on all; it makes no distinction between a
saint and a murderer. It is without judgment; it loves simply because love is what it
is. So this love, this is acceptance, and acceptance of “what is” entails non-judgement. It
is only when we judge something ‘bad’ that we find it difficult to accept it.

“Not judging something as ‘bad’ does not mean we have to judge it as ‘good.’ On
‘the contrary, we do not judge it at all. It simply is what it is. We look at it: ‘Ahhh. I
see this; I feel this.’ No judgement. We sit with the possibility that there is something
here we do not see or understand. Then it just is what it is, until it is something else.
Everything is always shifting, becoming something else. It shifts when we don't resist;
our resistance keeps it in place, for it has no where to go, we are blocking it! Our
yearning, our wanting what is to be something other than what it is, also is non- acceptance and, hence, a form of resistance.

“How then to create change? I can (and do) love ice cream and one day choose a
cookie instead without making the ice cream ‘bad’ or judging it. So I can see what is, I
can choose to accept it that it is, and then go about creating something new. We are, we
have been told, all the producers, directors and stars of our own movies. We have
finished one movie, perhaps it is a drama with much pain and violence. We can be upset about what we created; we can edit, and cut and splice, and try to buy up all the copies and erase them all. Yet it still will have been what ever it was. Instead, we can notice that we have made a dramatic movie, accept it as it is, without judging it as good or bad, and then decide to make a new movie and focus our attention on that.

It sounds simple to me, but I have not always found it to be easy. Balancing
between acceptance of what is, without judgement, and focusing on what I choose to
create next often feels like (falls into) non-acceptance and wanting to change what is. I
cannot change what is, it already is created. I can only change what comes next. I am
learning (I hope!) to walk this line - and it feels like that, a line, a tightrope. Perhaps as I
am more adept at it, it will feel less like a line and more like a wide path - or at least I will
stop teetering and falling off!

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Editor’s note:-

When I first met Bonnie-Starr (over the Internet) she was a Lawyer, working out how to do that and be a Healer, Mother and Wife all at the same time. Now, in an effort to combine her left-brain, analytical lawyer, with her right-brain, intuitive healer, she has given up law to be a Transformative Coach.

Have a look at her web site http://www.transformativecoaching.net/, if you do not live near her in the US she can do distance coaching.

Much of our work together has been via email, the energy is not in the words but the intent, and it carries instantly across the airwaves.

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To Schedule Coaching Services, Speaking Engagements, Workshops and Seminars, to request more information, or to receive periodic emails of upcoming events and inspirational messages from BonnieStarr and Transformative Coaching, please complete the appropriate form at http://www.transformativecoaching.net/id5.html

You can also call us directly at 720-940-6007, or just send an email to bonniestarr@transformativecoaching.net.